Unrequited
by sockospice
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Unrequited (1?)  
Rating: at the moment PG, or whatever ffn's equivalent is  
Content: sap, angst  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein, and no disrespect meant  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?  
Author's note: This is a tentative beginning. It will become something more, eventually. All forms of reviews welcome!

The more she showed off her flesh, the less she respected herself and her decisions. He could see that in her eyes every time he watched her on TV. The powers that be had decided that it was appropriate for her to dress as was befitting the fans' view of her, so she did. The powers that be had decided that it would be a good storyline if she teamed up with the man she'd had a dalliance with, so she did.

The Lita he'd known for the last few years wouldn't have agreed so easily. The Lita he'd known for the last few years would have kicked up a fuss. She wasn't the same Lita any more.

It was hard, watching her from a distance. Even though they worked for the same company, the divide between them was hard to bridge. Different states, different time zones; it wasn't easy to maintain any sort of relationship.

People were always surprised when they found out about the friendship between them. There didn't seem to be an obvious link, no shared beliefs, hobbies, friends. On the surface, the only thing they had in common was their profession. They'd scraped beneath that surface though, one drunken night, and had found a lot that they shared.

It had begun on a drunken night and was maintained on drunken nights and over drunken phone calls. Alcohol wasn't the only conduit though, it wasn't the only fuel that drove this friendship. Perhaps the best, deepest, most important conversations between them were the ones over a leisurely dinner, or the ones sat on the beach, or the ones on the couch at one of their homes, the ones that took place in safe, non-threatening, private environments. On screen personas could be thrown to one side. They could be themselves.

She wasn't the same now, and it was only him that she would admit that to, even though others could see it. He was worried about her. Whenever she spoke to him, it just sounded like she'd given up. She knew that she wasn't all they said she was, but she just didn't feel able to fight their perceptions. It was easier to go along with what they said, to let them believe whatever they liked. She felt like she didn't matter any more.

He didn't want her to lose who she was. He loved her too much for that.

Yes, he loved her. He had never intended to fall in love, but he had. It was inevitable really. He would never tell her though, as that would ruin the friendship and their friendship was too important to him to jeopardise. Being with her at a distance, just being able to touch her and hold her occasionally, it was enough. It would have to be.

He wanted to be with her, to hold her, to comfort her. When she cried to him over the phone all he wanted to do was fly straight to where she was and hold her until she didn't hurt any more. He couldn't do that though, because even if he was with her, even if he did hold her, he couldn't take away her pain and he couldn't put her back together again. As much as he wanted to, as much as he wished he could, the only person who could put Lita back together was Lita herself.

She called him, as she always did, after Raw had finished, once she was back in the sanctity of her hotel room.

"Hey Randy."

"Lita honey, how's it going?"

"Did you watch Raw?" She always avoided his questions to begin with, but he didn't mind. He knew she'd talk at her own pace.

"Yeah, you looked good babe, you're gorgeous, you know that?"

"I think you're due for an eye test Orton," there was no humour behind her words, although she pretended there was.

"You know I'm perfect in every way, including my eyesight. If I say you look good, I mean it."

"Whatever."

He said nothing. He knew she had something she wanted to say, he could hear it in her voice, in the way her breaths were shaky and unsure. He knew she was close to tears.

"Sometimes, Randy, sometimes I think you're the only good thing in my life."

"Li…" Randy heard her crying. It broke his heart, as all he wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything would be ok. "Li, you're more special, and more important and more talented and more beautiful than you realise."

She sniffed, "I sometimes wonder if it's worth it. I wonder if there's anything worth carrying on for, and then I think of you and I think that maybe there is."

"Please don't talk like that angel, please don't. There's always something, you've got more than just me, you've got so much within you…"

"When you're the only one telling me that it gets harder and harder to believe."

"What can I do Li?"

"Just keep being here. Keep me going 'til I can see you again."

"Always angel, you know that. You know you've just gotta say the word and I'll fly out to be with you, right?"

"I know, and I wouldn't ask that of you. I'll survive, somehow. Only another three weeks."

"I've got three days before the European tour, want me to come to yours?" Randy wasn't sure that he'd go three weeks without seeing her, she sounded so desperate and alone.

"Would you?"

"You know I would. Just say the word and I'm there."

"Please." It was the closest she'd ever sounded to begging. He felt better in the fact that she actually cared for him enough to want him there, even though it would never be in the way he wanted.

"Thank you Randy."

After the conversation ended he did the same as he always did. He left the hotel and walked, for hours sometimes. He played the conversation over and over in his head, wondering if there was anything better he could have said to help Lita, wondering if she was ok, wondering if she thought of him. He loved her more with each call, but equally with each call he felt like she moved more and more out of his reach.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Unrequited (2?)  
Rating: at the moment PG, or whatever ffn's equivalent is  
Content: sap, angst  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein, and no disrespect meant  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?  
Author's note: I wrote this before I heard about Eddie. I'm gutted, and my thoughts are with his family and friends. I don't know how best to go on with writing this, given that I'm setting it in the current environment. I just don't like the thought of using Eddie's death as a plotline, or for any form of entertainment purposes. I'll probably end up referencing it somehow, but only when I can work out how to do it in a respectful way. RIP Eddie. You'll be missed. Anyway, on with the fic, and thank you so much for the reviews, you know they always put a smile on my face, good or bad!

"Will you meet me at the airport Li? That way I can avoid getting a rental."

"Of course," Lita's voice softened as she spoke to her good friend. "Just let me know what time and I'll be there." She sighed, wistfully. "I've missed you Randy."

"I've missed you too angel," Randy could only wish that she missed him in the same way that he missed her, but for now he'd take whatever he could get. "We've got three full days, yeah? And we're on the same flight over to London too, I think."

"Yeah, as far as I know."

"Cool. Well, I'll let you know what time I land and see you at the airport then."

"Yeah," Lita brightened her voice a little, "see you soon babe."

"See you soon darlin'."

Randy was, by nature, an impatient person. He wanted to be with Lita right now, not in a few days time. He wanted to be with her as much for himself as for her.

* * *

He was exhausted by the time his plane landed. It was pretty late and it had been a long day. Randy had had only one day at home to do all of his packing and paperwork for the Europe trip, so he'd been rushing around before flying out to see Lita. It was worth it to see her though, worth it to feel her arms around his neck, to hold her close. It was worth the extra work and extra stress and he'd do it all ten times over for that feeling.

"I'm so glad you're here."

Randy knew that she was. He saw the mask she wore, he saw the reality. He saw how close she was to falling apart. He knew that it was only a matter of time until she did.

"Want me to drive?"

She nodded, her eyes already clouding over with tears. She'd tried to stay strong all day, all week, all year. With him there, she didn't have to. With him there, she didn't have to be what they expected. She could just be what she was, and what she had become.

"Talk when we get there, yeah?"

She just nodded, again. She didn't trust herself to speak.

The ride was silent. Lita stared out of the window, seemingly lost in her thoughts, while Randy concentrated on getting them home as quickly as possible. Tiredness gone, he was willing to stay awake all week if she needed him to. He got her home pretty quickly, considering, and barely were they inside the door when she threw herself back into his arms, this time removing the mask and removing the façade of strength. He slammed the door behind them and led her to the den, pulling her down onto the sofa beside him and wrapping his arms around her. He didn't have to say anything; he didn't have the words to say. He knew all she needed from him, and all he could give right now, was this physical comfort. She would speak in her own time.

After a while the shaking of her body subsided, and the room became silent. Randy did nothing, just stroked her hair, kept her close. She felt reassured by his presence, by his understanding, by him just being him. He knew her, which was perhaps the most reassuring thing. To not have to explain, to not have to justify, it meant an awful lot. She could just talk, or say nothing, and he wouldn't judge.

"I needed that," she looked up at him and forced a smile. "Sometimes I'm real good at bottling it all up."

"You can bottle it up too much you know," Randy did worry, as Lita had always been proud of her inner strength, she had always hated relying on others for anything. Events had served to break down that inner strength though, and much as she wanted to be independent, wanted to be strong, she just wasn't any more. Not while she was fragmented, not while she was broken.

"I know. That's why I needed to see you so badly. I knew you'd understand."

"I do."

"You always do," she sighed, reluctantly standing up. "That's why I miss you when you're not around."

"Smackdown's not the same without having you around either. Stacy and Christy are nice girls but the concept of a serious conversation is completely beyond them. I wish you'd been traded over instead."

"Me too. I hate him you know. After everything… the way he's acting about it… what did I see in either of them?" In that flash of anger there, that was the real Lita. She was still in there somewhere.

"People change," Randy didn't want to speak for either Matt or Edge. For one thing, he had no idea what was going through their heads, and for another, he didn't want to come across as apologising for them or speaking for them. He knew that there was wrong done on all sides, but he really couldn't understand why things had turned out the say they had.

"That's the understatement of the century." Lita fell silent for a moment, "is he happy with Ashley, do you know?"

Randy was a little surprised at the question. Lita's tone confirmed to him that she still had deep feelings for Matt, and his heart sank a little. He would be honest with her though, as he always was, "he seems to be. He kind of avoids me, I think he knows we're friends."

"I'm glad he's happy."

"You'll be happy too you know. It won't be this way forever."

The redhead stood up and went to look out of the window. "Maybe it's karma. It's just… he's happy, Edge is happy… me, what do I get? I'm the slut who ruined two relationships and a friendship."

"Don't say that about yourself darlin'," Randy walked over to her and put his arms around her waist, "I know it's unfair, but you'll get through this."

"It hurts, you know. I could handle it if it was just my character the fans were chanting 'slut' at, but it's not, it's me, and no matter what, that hurts. I could be the strongest person in the world and I still would flinch every time I heard that."

"Oh Li," Randy hugged her tighter, "they don't know you and they don't understand."

"You're the only one that does. I don't even think I know myself any more."

"You do babe, you're just a little lost right now. You'll find yourself again."

"Aw, Randy," she reached up and brushed his cheek with her hand, "how come everything you say makes sense and makes me feel better."

"My only purpose in life is to make you happy," he replied, only half joking.

"Well, you must be starving, so allow me to do something for you. Fajitas?" The mask was back up, less strong than before, but still there. At that moment, she was still relying on that mask to keep herself together. Although with Randy she could be herself, she was so unsure about who she was now the mask was the only thing she felt secure about, the only image she felt safe projecting. She knew he saw beyond it though.

"Sure, your fajitas are always great, and you're right, I am starving." He saw the mask go back up, but didn't comment for the moment. She would talk again when she felt ready. "You don't have to cook though, we can get a take out."

"No, I want to." She walked off to the kitchen, knowing he'd follow.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Unrequited (3?)  
Rating: at the moment PG, or whatever ffn's equivalent is  
Content: sap, angst  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein, and no disrespect meant  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?

Randy had planned ahead, and purchased a bottle of Jack Daniels at the airport, so it wasn't long before both of them were well on their way to drunk. Lita was giggling at a corny joke from Randy, and he was just sat watching her; she looked carefree and happy, problems forgotten in the drunken haze.

"It ain't always gonna be like this, is it?"

Randy smiled, "what ain't?"

"Me and you, gettin' drunk, talking shit…"

"Havin' fun?" Randy finished. "Nah, this'll never change."

"Even when we're seventy?"

"Even when we're eighty," Randy threw an arm around her, giggling somewhat, before growing more serious, "we're lucky, if you think about it."

"I know…" The words didn't need to be spoken. It had been a bad year in more ways than one. "I know. And I feel guilty for wallowing like this…"

"Don't." Randy grabbed the bottle again, and took a long slug before passing it to the redhead, "bad things happen, we deal with them in a million different ways. We get through life the best way we can."

She took a drink, and shook her head, "why haven't you got a girl Randy?"

"After Stacy, I'm damaged goods." He had RKO'd her in the centre of the ring, which admittedly wasn't the best way of finishing with someone. "I'm not really that surprised."

"She's a fool. I'd have had more faith in you," Randy wished that she actually meant that, but he knew that was beyond anything he could expect.

"I don't need the distraction now anyway, I'm just concentrating on getting back to the top." Randy figured that if he told himself that often enough, he might believe it. If not, it would sound a more convincing lie.

"I'm a distraction, aren't I?"

"No. You're a friend." And so much more, although she didn't realise it.

"I feel like a distraction. I feel like a walking career killer."

"Don't." Randy grabbed the bottle again. "So what were we talking about before we got all miserable?"

He wanted to change the subject. Lita was prone to dwelling on her perceived faults, and when she was drunk she was even more harsh on herself. He hated hearing her talk like that, hated seeing her beat herself up over everything. He hated himself for not being able to do more to help her. It was like a circle of self-hate that neither could get out of. They were both there for different reasons, but both looking for the same road out.

"I think you were going to tell me some juicy gossip about Christy," she appreciated his attempts to lighten the mood, she was only too aware of her self-absorbed and pitying behaviour. "so spill, come on."

"Oh yeah, well, you know she's been doing extra training down in OVW," Lita nodded, "well," he leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"No way!" Lita looked back at him, shocked. "Melina told you that, and you're sure she's not bullshitting?"

"Positive. I've heard similar off a couple of other people too."

"Well colour me speechless." She laughed and gave her first genuinely free and relaxed smile for ages, "she's a dark horse isn't she?"

"She is indeed."

Lita smiled at him as he stifled a yawn, "Tired?" He nodded reluctantly. "I am too. You go on to bed,. See you in the morning? Or possibly late afternoon, knowing you."

"Yeah," he laughed a little, "'night angel," somewhat reluctantly he kissed her cheek and stood up. He wanted to be going to bed with her, not to the spare room that he had pretty much made his own. This, however, was as close as he was likely to get, and for that he would be grateful. Anything was better than nothing.

"'Night Randy," She jumped up and threw her arms around him, "thank you. For everything."

He just walked away. Her obliviousness to his feelings hurt just as much as his not being able to have her.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Unrequited (4 of ?)Rating: at the moment PG, or whatever ffn's equivalent isContent: sap, angst  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein, and no disrespect meant  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?  
A/N: Sorry this took so long, I've been mad busy. Hope you like!

The next night was quieter, this time not fuelled by alcohol. This was fuelled by their mutual friendship and respect, by a jointly painful hangover, and by Lita's frequent mood swings. One minute she was almost happy, the next something reminded her of recent events, and she was down and close to tears again. Randy knew that alcohol often served to magnify these swings in temper, and hoped that a sober night might help somewhat.

It did, a little, if only because Lita did a good job of avoiding talking about how she was feeling. She knew it was unfair on Randy, but she said very little, relying on him to understand.

He did. He didn't quite understand how he could just look at the redhead and know how she was feeling, but he did, and it broke his heart a little each time because he couldn't do anything about it. It scared him but at the same time it reassured him because if he was the only one that understood, then maybe there was a connection there, and maybe one day she would realise.

He knew it would be a long time until that happened though. She was so absorbed in her own situation that he wasn't entirely sure that she even saw him as him. He felt sometimes as if he was just a faceless friend, that she didn't actually want to be with him, that she just wanted someone who would unconditionally support her. And he would. He would support her, no matter what she thought, no matter how she saw him, because that if that was the closest he could get to her, he'd accept it. Maybe, one day, when her problems were dealt with, she'd look at him and realise. And maybe she'd feel the same.

* * *

Randy wasn't sure that it was a good idea, but on the last night before they had to fly out, Lita insisted on going out clubbing. In fact, he was convinced that it was a bad idea, although he did doubt his own motives somewhat: was it a bad idea, or did he just not want to share her company with anyone else?

Either way, she got her own way, just as she always did, and by ten that evening they were on the dance floor, already pretty drunk and having a good time. Randy didn't particularly enjoy dancing usually, but he did enjoy watching Lita. She would lose herself in the music, completely oblivious to everyone and everything. He thought that was probably the point: on the dance floor she was both anonymous and the centre of attention. She was everything that they said and nothing. She was herself and she was no one.

She wasn't his though. It made it hard to watch, and harder to stay away. When another man approached her, and she danced with him, or turned him away, Randy had to remind himself that she wasn't his, that she could do whatever she liked, and that he could at most protect her.

She was kissing another man. She was wrapped around him, oblivious. Oblivious to Randy, oblivious to the hurt that he couldn't stop crossing his face, oblivious to everything. He watched while trying not to, the images hurting beyond words but at the same time strangely captivating; wishing it could be him. He wanted to be the one to run his fingers through her hair, to kiss her like that, to touch her like that. He knew what she was searching for, and knew that he could give that to her, if only she would let him.

The man now had her hand in his, and was leading her towards the exit. She looked back at Randy, biting her lip, eyes pleading for an escape. She didn't want this. She'd just wanted to be wanted for a few minutes. She didn't want this man. She didn't want to be what they called her. She wanted to prove them wrong. She wanted to be loved and needed but on her own terms. Not with this man.

Randy nodded and followed. As always, he understood. When Lita and the man had got outside the redhead pulled away from him.

"I'm going home now." Her voice betrayed a fear. Not a fear of him, a fear of what she was, or what she might become, of what she'd lost and what she might lose.

"Not until you finish what you started." The man was drunk, but menacing. There was no missing the implied meaning of his words.

"She's going home now." Randy echoed her words, with much more force behind them. "Come on Li."

She pulled her hand from his and quickly walked over to Randy. He immediately put a protective arm around her shoulder.

The man cursed, and shook his head, "prick-tease. Don't know what I'd catch off the dirty slut anyway. You're welcome to her."

Randy pulled her closer, knowing what effect those words would have, and gently led her away, hailing a cab. He didn't let go of her until they got back to her home. He didn't trust himself to speak without betraying his feelings and she wasn't in any state to talk at that point. The man's words had cut deeper than he could ever know.

Once home, he led her to the kitchen, knowing that it would be a long night and that he'd need coffee. Everything that had happened had sobered him up, and her too by the sound of it. She looked up at him, never more ashamed or disgusted with herself as now.

"I'm sorry Randy," her words were whispered and low, broken tears thinly veiled within them.

He touched her chin with one finger, forcing her to look at him, "why are you sorry angel? He was an asshole. No one should treat a lady like that."

"That's it though, isn't it? I'm no lady." She averted her eyes, not wanting to see his sympathy when she didn't believe she deserved it, "I am everything they say I am."

"You're not Li, you're not."

"I am." She shook her head, "why did I do that? I didn't even know him, I certainly didn't like him… and I relied on you to rescue me. Just like you rescue me each day… every time I'm down, you're there for me. Every time I get myself into a bad situation, you're there for me. And what do I do in return? I treat you like shit, I do all this and it's all about me."

"Li, you're hurting, and people do stuff when they're hurt that they wouldn't usually do. You're my best friend Li, and if I didn't support you and help you at times like this, what sort of friend would I be?"

"You never talk about how you feel. I never ask you about how you feel. I'm so wrapped up in me, I can't see beyond my own feelings. I've been so self absorbed I really don't know what's going on for you." Lita walked over to the sink, splashing some cold water on her face. She turned and looked at Randy. "Why do you do this Randy? All of my friends have found reasons to not call, to not be interested, why are you always here for me?"

He stared at her, willing up the courage to tell her how he felt, and wanting her to stop this, to not question, to just accept it. In one way he wished that she would understand him as well as he understood her, and in another he hoped that she didn't understand, because he didn't want her to know.

She realised, all of a sudden, "you love me." It wasn't said with any malice, glee or excitement. It was just a statement. She realised how oblivious she'd been, she realised how much she'd missed, how she'd been so absorbed in her own feelings that she'd completely ignored his.

"I always have." He couldn't say any more. He forgot the coffee, forgot their conversation, forgot everything, and walked off to his room. He couldn't face her. He couldn't face the pity, the guilt, the sadness and betrayal that he'd see on her face. He didn't want her to pity him, he didn't want her to feel guilty about how he felt, or sad, or betrayed. He wanted her to love him, but if she was unable to do that, he wanted to remain friends. How that would happen now, with this between them, he didn't know, but anything would be better than nothing.

She followed him, "Randy, we need to talk about this." He shook his head, but she was persistent, "I've been blind, please Randy, let me talk to you about this." He didn't assent, but he did leave the door open and sat down on the bed. She sat at his side.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"How could I?" He looked at her, and she was shocked by the hurt on his face. "How could I tell you when you were still hurting over Matt and Edge? How could I tell you when you were so unhappy? I just wanted to help you, to care for you… it was about the closest I could get and I accepted that. It was enough to just be with you."

"What if it's not enough for me?" She leaned over and kissed him, gently. For one moment he allowed himself to feel, and then pulled away.

"You're not thinking straight Li. Go to bed, we'll talk in the morning." He caressed her cheek regretfully. "You're right, I do love you. But, if you feel differently, I'm willing to just stay friends. You need to think about stuff. So do I. Goodnight, Li." As much as he wanted to hold her and kiss her and be with her, he couldn't. Not like this.

She was reluctant to leave things as they stood, but smiled a little, understanding him more clearly than she had in a while, and stood up. "You're right. 'Night Randy. Sleep well."

Sleeping well was something that neither of them would do that night though.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Unrequited (5?)  
Rating: at the moment PG, or whatever ffn's equivalent is  
Content: sap, angst  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein, and no disrespect meant  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?  
A/N: Two chapters in a week. Go me! Hope you like, but I think you're gonna kill me!

Somehow, sleep did come. It was turbulent, and brief, but it did come. It was only when he awoke in the morning that Randy knew something was wrong.

Pulling on a T-shirt, he walked out of his room into the kitchen, half expecting Lita to be sat there brooding over a coffee. She was always an early riser, and when she was troubled would sit in front of the huge bay window that looked out on to the fields behind her house.

She wasn't there. All that greeted Randy was an envelope on the table. His heart sank, he knew what would be in that envelope. He knew she was gone. With a resigned sigh, he sat down and opened it.

_Randy,_

_I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm so sorry this has happened this way. Please don't love me Randy, please don't. I don't deserve it. Trust me Randy, I'd only hurt you in the end, it's what I do. Just ask Matt._

_I'm sorry, I had to go. I can't face you right now, I can't really face anyone. I'll be OK though, don't worry. I'll get through this, you know me, I always do. _

_I don't really know how I feel about you Randy. I sat all night thinking about what you said, about that kiss. It made me feel something that I haven't felt in a long time, but I'm scared. There, I admit it. I'm scared of how I feel so I'm going to run away from it for a while. _

_I want to stay friends with you Randy, at least until I've worked out how my head works. If that's too difficult for you, I'll understand. I'm sorry, this must be hurting you and that's the last thing I wanted. _

_I've just reread what I've written, and I'm contradicting myself. I guess that shows how completely messed up my head is. Don't blame yourself. This isn't because of what happened last night. This has just brought to a head everything I've been feeling for the last few months._

_I guess, what I'm trying to say is, don't wait for me. If love comes along, take it. If I lose you, that's my own fault. I hope to god though that no matter what happens, we'll still be friends. _

_I love you Randy._

_Lita _

_PS I got a cab to the airport, you can take my car. Just leave the keys with the car park attendant. _

That left Randy even more confused than before. He guessed that was probably how she was feeling, but it didn't ease his own heart at all. He wanted to tell her that it didn't matter, that he was happy just to be her friend, just to be what she needed, at least until she knew where her heart lay.

He was due to fly out to Europe that afternoon, and was hardly in the state of mind to do it. It wasn't likely that he would run into Lita while over there, the two rosters would be pretty much separate the whole time. Nevertheless, he wanted her to know that he understood, that he was still there for her. Maybe the time apart would do them good.

Grabbing his cell phone, he sent her a text. It was short, but never had so much thought gone into such a message.

_Li, I understand, its ok. If u want 2 call me Im always here 4 u. What happened last nite changes nothing. Love u babe, Randy._

She didn't reply, but he hadn't really expected her to. It was with a heavy heart that he packed his things and got ready for the drive to the airport, a drive that would take him further away from being with her.

* * *

Lita was torn between thinking about Randy, and pretending that nothing had ever happened. Every time she thought about him she hated herself for running away, for hurting him even more. She couldn't believe how blind she'd been. How could she not have noticed that he loved her? He was always there for her, he made her feel safe, feel wanted and needed, how could she have ignored that feeling?

He was good looking, there was no question. Many saw him as arrogant and self-centred, but to her he'd never been anything other than kind, generous and caring. He was smart, most of the time, and the kind of guy any women would be lucky to have. So why was she doubting this? Why was she seemingly intent on running away from what could have been the best thing to happen to her?

It had been so long since she'd properly been in love, and been loved, that she'd forgotten what it felt like. Did it feel like this? She wasn't even sure any more. All she knew was that Randy deserved better. He deserved someone who wasn't a walking career killer, who wasn't so self-absorbed, who wasn't so bitter, unstable and incapable of reciprocating love.

She didn't deserve him, and she wouldn't destroy him as she had Matt. If that meant not following her heart, then so be it. Even though she did have feelings for him, she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't.

* * *

Randy was worried. Lita had texted him a couple of times, so he knew that she was ok, but she hadn't called. He wanted to call her, but respected her distance. Besides, he didn't really know what he'd say. Would it just be like they normally were, or would it be tense, would there be unspoken words clouding the conversation?

It was down to her to call though, and she would when she needed him. He hoped it wouldn't be too long though. He had heard a few things from the guys in the locker room that had concerned him. It sounded like Lita's self-destruct mode had re-ignited itself. Randy could only see himself as to blame for that. If he'd kept his feelings to himself, then she might not be doing her level best to annihilate herself. She was fragile enough, and he'd just laid all this extra pressure and guilt upon her. He was supposed to be the one person she could rely on, the constant and unwavering friend, and he'd ruined it.

It had seemed like so long since they spoke that he could hardly believe it when her name flashed up on his cell phone.

"Li? Hey babe, you ok?"

"Randy." She sounded tentative and nervous, so he was keen to put her at ease.

"I'm glad you called me angel, I've missed talking to you." He hoped his own nerves didn't show through.

"Me too," she smiled, grateful that it wasn't as awkward as she'd expected.

"So, you ok?"

"Yeah, I guess." He knew full well that meant no, "you?"

"I'm not doing too bad. Apart from the looming prospect of Hell in a Cell of course."

She laughed, "oh yeah. Looking forward to it?"

"Like I look forward to the dentist," he relaxed a little, they'd fallen into the easy conversation they'd always been able to have. The chat and gossip flowed freely, and it was almost like nothing had ever changed. Almost. There was always something behind the words, behind the laughs and giggles, that betrayed that something had changed between them.

"So, wanna tell me what's up?" Randy figured after a while that Lita felt comfortable enough to reveal a little more about how she felt.

"I was wondering when you'd ask," she swore sometimes that he knew her better than she knew herself. And that was unfortunate, because she didn't really know where to start. If she couldn't understand how she was feeling, how could he?

"So?"

"I don't really want to talk about it. I don't really understand myself."

"You know I'm here for you Li," when she didn't answer, he was concerned, "you do know that, right?"

"I know, Randy." Suddenly those unspoken words were shouting loudly in her head. Something inside of her was screaming, wanting her to tell him how she felt. Something else was warning her away, telling her she wasn't good enough for him, that she would ruin his life if she gave in to her heart.

She wondered if Randy could sense her inner turmoil, wondered if he'd speak. His voice came like a soothing balm for a wound, "whenever you're ready Lita, whenever you need me."

It almost broke her heart. "Thank you." Her voice was barely a whisper but he heard and understood.

"It's gonna be ok, Li. I promise you. One day, it will be."

She hung up. How could it be so complicated? How could it be that every time she spoke to him or thought about him she loved him more and hated herself more? How could she carry on like this, hurting herself, hurting him? Something would have to change. She would have to do something.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Unrequited (6?)  
Rating: at the moment PG, or whatever ffn's equivalent is  
Content: sap, angst  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein, and no disrespect meant  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?

Tomorrow would be a good place to start. Lita just couldn't cope tonight. Tonight, she just wanted to get away from everything, to forget everything that had happened, that hadn't happened, and that never was going to happen.

Drink seemed like a good way of doing it, and the good thing about a life that went from hotel to hotel was that there was always easy access to a hotel bar. Surprisingly the bar was fairly empty; unusual on a night when there wasn't a show, as most of the guys would take the opportunity to let their hair down. That suited Lita though, as she didn't particularly want an audience.

She was about half way through her fourth drink when a gentle hand touched her arm, "hey Lita, want some company? The guys ditched me and I'm bored."

"Well thanks for making me feel wanted Chris," she smiled at the distraction and looked to the stool beside her. "Take a seat in 'didn't get a better offer corner'."

"I didn't mean it like that," he laughed, and sat down, "I wasn't really up for a night of clubbing anyway. A few drinks and an early night was what I had in mind. Thought I'd end up down here on my own, so it's nice to have some company. You?"

"Don't ask." There was enough in her voice to tell Chris Masters that he really shouldn't go there, so he changed the subject.

"You going over for Armageddon? We're off that weekend aren't we?"

"No, I don't think I'm gonna go." She wanted to, but at the same time she just couldn't face seeing Randy. "It's nice to have a weekend off though."

"Too right, I never thought the schedule would be this intense."

Lita allowed herself to smile. She'd been wrestling for so long the travelling wasn't something that bothered her any more. It was easy to forget how new people like Chris were to the business. "You'll get used to it."

"Yeah, I guess so."

They sat silently for a while, somehow the quiet was comfortable and, for Lita, reassuring. Despite his in-ring persona, Chris came across as a nice guy, eager to learn about every aspect of the business. He also hadn't been around long enough to have been quite so shocked at what had happened between her and Edge. He didn't really know Matt, so he hadn't been so quick to judge her as everyone else.

"You want another drink?" he asked gently, wary of intruding on private thoughts.

"Sure, that would be good. Thanks Chris," Lita felt more comfortable than she had done for a while. It was nice to be sat with someone and not have to worry about what they'd say to Matt afterwards, what gossip they'd spread, or what they'd think of her. It was almost like being with Randy.

They continued making small talk, time flying by, drinks flowing freely. Chris was fun, and Lita found herself enjoying spending time with him. He made her laugh, and was very sweet to her . She'd attempted to stand as it was late and she wanted to go to bed, and the alcohol had hit her hard. Chris jumped up and put a steadying arm around her waist.

"Woah, you ok Li?"

She steadied herself and then looked up at Chris, biting her lip. No one called her Li except for Randy. It brought up all sorts of feelings for her that she really didn't want to confront right now. She tried to push him out of her mind and smiled up at the man currently keeping her vertical.

"I'm fine. At least, I will be once I get back to my room."

"Want an escort?"

She liked that. He wasn't accusing her of being drunk or anything like that, he was just being a perfect gentleman. The complete opposite of most men she knew, or had ever known. "Thank you. That's very sweet of you."

He helped her walk to the lift, keeping his arm firmly around her waist, secure but respectful. He was a little drunk himself, but sober enough to keep his manners. He didn't want anyone to see them and get the wrong idea.

Stopping outside her room, he grinned and leant forward to kiss her cheek. "'Night Lita, see you tomorrow?"

"Come in with me." Her voice was so low as to be almost inaudible. When he made no attempt to move, she repeated it, "please Chris, come in with me?"

Unsure, he nodded and followed her into the room.

* * *

Lita awoke the next morning with a splitting headache. Groggy, she grabbed a bottle of water from her bag and a couple of aspirins. Then it hit her. The night before came back into her hear like a sledgehammer shot from Hunter and she groaned.

"_Come in with me." She remembered uttering those words, and Chris following her into the room. She remembered him kissing her, and her kissing him back, and her peeling his clothes off, and them being in bed together._

_She remembered what she said in the heat of the moment, she remembered those words…_

"_I love you Randy." _

_She'd said that to him as he'd kissed her and laid by her side. And he'd just stared at her. She remembered the look on his face. It was hurt, confused, not a little angry. She remembered him getting out of bed, rushing to put his clothes on, cursing. She remembered sitting up and apologising profusely, and him pushing her to one side. She remembered curling up in a ball on the bed and sobbing._

That was all she remembered. It was enough.

She hated herself even more than she'd ever thought possible. This was a mistake too far. This had caused someone to be hurt again; it had hurt her. What had she been thinking? She'd had casual sex, with a man she liked, but not in that way. She felt like she'd cheated on Randy, and then hated herself for thinking that because he wasn't hers to cheat on.

His words came back to her, slowly trickling through her mind like treacle. Once they were in there though, they would remain imprinted for a long, long time.

"_Men are not there for you to fuck with Lita. We have feelings too. We're not just here to comfort you, for you to play with then cast aside. If you want Randy, make up your mind about it, otherwise you'll end up with nothing and no one. If you're falling, don't take people down with you."_

She began sobbing again. Something within her asked how far she had left to go until she hit rock bottom. She didn't want to, and wasn't ready, to acknowledge the answer.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Unrequited (7?)Rating: at the moment PG, or whatever ffn's equivalent is  
Content: sap, angst  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein, and no disrespect meant  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?  
A/N: So, here's some Christmas cheer. Yeah, right, this is me we're talking about. It's quite episodic, this one. Thank you for the lovely reviews, I really do appreciate them. Enjoy!

She didn't want to leave the safety of her hotel room. She would have to though, and in one way she did want to, because every time she looked at the bed she remembered what happened. And, with each memory that returned, she felt a little more dirty and a little piece of what was left of her self belief died.

She showered, but that didn't take away the feeling. She packed and left the room, a cheery smile plastered on her face, but pretending that everything was fine didn't take away the feeling either. Chris Masters blanking her didn't help either. Nothing would help, except the one thing that she just couldn't have right now.

It hurt, when Chris ignored her. She knew that she'd hurt him, that what she'd said was unforgivable, but she wanted to talk to him, to apologise, to explain how she felt. He wouldn't even acknowledge her though. She felt like she deserved it, she felt like any way he could punish her wouldn't be enough, and wouldn't even come close to how she was punishing himself.

* * *

Randy felt torn, and a little upset. Lita had texted him to say that she wouldn't be coming to Armageddon, but hadn't explained why. While he could understand that she had no desire to be near Matt, it still hurt that she wouldn't put that to one side and come to support him. He wasn't exactly looking forward to his match.

Dave Batista had noticed that Randy wasn't his usual self, and decided that what the young man needed was a night out and a good woman. He was surprised that Randy had gone for so long without having a girlfriend, as the young man was good looking, charming most of the time, and generally a gentleman. He knew that Randy had some form of a relationship with Lita, but had no idea that Randy's feelings ran so deep.

"Randy, you're coming for a drink with us tonight, right?"

Randy looked over at the older man. He didn't particularly want to go out, but figured that another night in awaiting a call from Lita wouldn't do him any good. "Who's us?"

"Me, Chris Benoit, Rey, John, Melina, Stacy… and anyone else who wants to tag along."

"Yeah, why not?"

"Good man," Batista slapped his back. "Meet at eight in the lobby."

"Sure thing." Randy still wasn't entirely sure, but it was probably for the best.

He found himself having a good time. It had been a while since he'd been on a night out like this, and, he had to admit, it was good fun. He did think about Lita a fair bit, checking his cell phone at regular intervals, but she didn't occupy his mind to the same extent as normal.

He was fairly drunk, and found himself chatting to Melina. She was unusually quiet, and Randy was curious, especially as he'd heard she'd had a fling with Batista. Randy knew his friend's reputation when it came to women, and he hoped that she hadn't fallen too deeply for him.

"What's up Mel? You're quiet tonight."

"Can I ask you something Randy?" She looked at him, wondering if he'd betray her confidence or not.

"Sure." He could guess the subject, "fire away."

"I know… I know Dave only ever has flings. I know his rep." She closed her eyes and gripped her drink a little tighter, "I knew that when I got involved with him. But… I didn't realise how much he'd get under my skin."

Randy nodded, he'd seen it before, "you can't just walk away."

"I want to. It's just difficult."

"It's hard Mel, but you've got to. Don't tie yourself up in knots over someone you're never going to have."

"You don't think he'll ever change?"

"Honestly, no,"

"I hurt Johnny. Although… he knew why I did it, he told me afterwards I shouldn't have."

"He likes you," the whole locker room knew that, the boy hadn't exactly been subtle about his feelings for Melina.

"I know… Randy, would it sound really strange if I said that Dave was under my skin, but Johnny was somewhere deeper?" Melina slugged back her drink and flattened her hands on the table, staring at them intently in an attempt to calm herself.

"No," the young man smiled sadly, "nothing about love seems strange to me."

Melina looked surprised at how Randy's demeanour had changed, it seemed like she'd hit a raw nerve there, although she had no idea how or why. She looked over at Dave, who was flirting with Stacy, and shook her head. Things became clearer. She would never have that man, and wasn't sure that in the long run she'd want him. She thought briefly about Randy: he was a nice guy, but obviously hung up on someone. Her heart and head always took her back to one person. A person she'd hurt once, but wouldn't again. A person she'd love, if he'd let her.

She brightened her smile, stood up and held out a hand. "Dance?"

"Love to," Randy appreciated the change in subject, and followed Melina out on to the dance floor. For a few moments, he forgot about everything.

* * *

Lita was a wreck. In another hotel room in another faceless city, she sat alone. She wanted to hear Randy's voice, but wouldn't let herself call him. She didn't feel like she deserved his comfort, although it was the only thing she could think of right now that would sooth her heart.

In the end, her heart ruled over her head and she dialled his number. When he took longer than normal to answer, she closed her eyes; all she could see was Randy with someone else. Because she'd left it too long, he'd given his heart to someone else. He'd offered her his love, and she'd rejected it, and now it was too late. When his voicemail kicked in she took a deep breath and tried not to allow tears into her voice.

"Hey Randy, it's only me. Call me when you get this message, whatever time it is… please." As her voice began to crack she hung up. She didn't want him to hear her cry, not again.

She curled up on the bed and waited. She was too tired to do anything else.

* * *

Randy was having a good time with Melina. She was sweet, relaxed and fun. Some of the others had joined them on the dance floor, and things were starting to get a little wild.

"Randy?" She leaned over and shouted into his ear, "I'm gonna get going, I've got a PA in the morning."

"I'll walk you back," he wouldn't dream of her walking through the city on her own. Plus, he was getting a little tired too and couldn't wait to get to bed. They made their goodbyes as brief as possible, and quickly left.

Melina put her arm through his as they walked down the street. She was a little drunk, and was wearing heels that Randy was surprised she could even stand in, so his support was vital in remaining standing.

They chatted as they walked, about their co-workers, future matches and hot gossip, always a favourite topic of Melina's. Once back at the hotel, Randy accompanied her up to her room, and hugged her.

"Thanks for a good night Mel, I hope things go ok with Nitro."

"Thanks Randy. Listen sweetheart, whoever it is that's eating at your heart, if they don't want you, forget them. You deserve better." She turned and went into her room, leaving Randy with a lot of food for thought.

It was easy to say forget her, but harder to do.

Back in his room, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and cursed. He'd missed Lita's call. Guilt coursed through his veins, and then Melina's words came back to him. Did Lita want him, or did she need him? Was there a difference, and if there was, was he willing to accept need over want, in order to have her?

A while ago, he'd have said yes, no question. Now, he wasn't so sure.

He couldn't face calling her. Not when he was unsure like this. It wasn't fair on either of them. She deserved commitment and love, even if she couldn't return it. And in this frame of mind, he wasn't sure he could give it.

* * *

Lita finally drifted off to sleep, tears barely dry on her cheek. Randy still hadn't called. She wondered if he was angry with her, if maybe Chris had said something to him, if he was with someone else. And with each of those thoughts, she hated herself more and more, believing that it was her own behaviour that had driven him away, and that she was the only person to blame.

She didn't think there was anything left, any further to fall. She'd lost the one thing she wanted, the one thing she'd never had, the one thing she'd run away from. There was nothing left to lose.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Unrequited (8?)  
Rating: K? or PG-13  
Content: Angst, fluff, mentions of sex  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein and make no implications about real persons mentioned. Also no profit is made.  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?

When Randy called Lita the next day, there was no answer. He figured that she was probably already flying home, and called her house to leave her a message. He'd thought a lot, about what Melina had said, about everything that had happened between him and Lita, and although the end situation wasn't much clearer than it had been previously, he was a little more certain about his own feelings.

Randy hadn't slept that much. Lita had been on his mind, as she always was, but this time it was a little different. He wasn't just thinking of her, and how to best make her happy: also on his mind this time was what would make him happy. Was being her support enough, or did he want more? Was he willing to accept whatever she was willing to give, even if it wasn't the love he craved, if it meant that he could love her freely? If she did love him, could he trust that? It was that last question that caused the most unrest.

She'd claimed to love Matt. When they first met, she'd been with Matt, and seemingly had been very happy. Then, things had changed. From what she'd said, they'd both become different people. While Matt was off injured, he'd become very bitter, angry at what might have been, at the people who had been given the opportunities that he felt he should have had. Lita had bourn the brunt of that. Over angry phone calls and emails, Matt had taken out his frustration on those closest to him. Lita had sought refuge, in whatever way possible. Firstly with Randy, talking to him, crying on his shoulder, composing soothing emails, providing relief from the constant tension. Randy had loved her then, but couldn't say anything. Then, Lita had craved the sort of physical support that only a sexual relationship could bring, and Edge had been the nearest and most willing. She'd gone in to it initially drunkenly, and then more reluctantly, but the Canadian had been persuasive, and more importantly, had displayed desire. And it was that Lita had missed more than anything during her time away from Matt.

Randy, looking back, wished he'd done something back then. If he'd have let her know how much he wanted her, would she have gone to him instead? Would that have been the start of something special? He would never know, and that was hard, because he constantly blamed himself for not doing more, for not saying more.

Now she knew, he just had to wait. He was resigned to that, and was willing to do so no matter how long it took. Melina's words rung in his ears, but he was sure. He loved her. He knew that for certain. And he was willing to wait. He'd spent a long time thinking about what he'd lose if he gave up now, and knew that she was worth it.

* * *

When Lita switched her cell phone back on after she left the airport she saw that Randy had attempted to get in touch and her heart leapt. All through the flight she'd dreaded actually landing, going home to an empty house, with only memories of Randy confessing his feelings to provide her with any sort of comfort. One big part of her wanted to get straight back onto a plane again, going over to Randy, to see if he would be all he said he would. She couldn't do that to him though. He had a big match at Armageddon, and she didn't want to be a distraction to him. She knew how important his career was to him, and knew her reputation too. Lita, career killer. She'd been blamed for Matt getting fired, for Edge not getting a title shot, and for her own fall down the ranks in the women's championship. She wouldn't take Randy down with her too. 

That was another reason she wanted to be with him. He always stopped her thinking like that. He always helped her to see the best in things, to be optimistic, to have hope. Hope that he would still want her was something that she couldn't allow herself though. She decided the best thing would be to go home and forget. She just couldn't allow herself hope, and put herself in the position of rejection. Home may be lonely, but it was safe, and that was all she would allow herself right now.

* * *

On the night of the Armageddon pay per view, Randy was torn. Lita had called him to wish him luck, and she'd sounded so down, he'd just wanted to blow off the show and fly straight out to see her. She'd said that she'd be watching though, and he wanted to put on a good show, to make her proud of him. 

He'd promised to call her after the match, as she was worried. After having dealt with Matt after several ladder matches, she was only too aware of how brutal these gimmick matches could be. She wanted to be sure that he was ok.

* * *

She was right, the match was brutal. She'd watched most of it from behind a cushion; despite her training in Mexico and experience in ECW, she still hated watching the people she loved getting involved in these sort of matches. It was partly because of her experience that she knew exactly what could go wrong.

Her heart was thumping almost through her chest when her phone started ringing.

"Hello?"

"Lita… hey babe."

"Randy," relief must have been evident in her voice, "you ok sweetheart?"

"I'll live."

"It was good, shame about the result, but you were great."

"Thanks Li." Randy was silent for a moment, as if he was contemplating saying something. "I wish you were here."

Lita sighed inwardly. She almost wished that too. "I'd have been a distraction love, you know that. Shall I come over to St Louis this weekend?"

"If you want to." Randy was surprised, and pleased. They hadn't really spent any time together since the last time at Lita's house. "I'd really like that."

"Me too," she wasn't sure what she was letting herself in for, what she would do when she got there, but she had to see him again. To test her own feelings, as well as his. "I'll call you with my flight details, yeah?"

"I'll come and meet you angel."

"I miss you Randy." She wasn't too sure where that came from. Maybe her feelings came out when she didn't try to analyse them too much.

"I miss you too." She could hear in his voice that he was telling the truth, and it warmed her heart.

This was getting too deep though, and she needed to change the subject, "what are you doing tonight?"

Randy was nonplussed by the change in subject. He knew Lita was finding it difficult, and was just happy that they might be getting somewhere at last. "I'm just going out for a few drinks with the guys. There's a few guys over from Raw for the weekend, so I'll be catching up with them I guess."

Lita's breath caught in her throat. Chris Masters had said he was going to Armageddon. She had no idea if he would say anything or not. A thousand scenarios played out in her head, none of them good.

Randy sensed that something was wrong, "Li, babe, what is it?"

"Nothing. It's nothing," she attempted to recover her composure, but her voice was still shaking, "you have a good time."

"You sure you're ok babe?"

"I'm fine," she closed her eyes as tears began to form, "I'm gonna go now Randy, I'll speak to you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Love ya Li."

"Love you too."

He hung up, desperately hoping that she meant those last three words.

She sat back on her couch, sobbing, convinced that she'd ruined everything. She felt like Masters held her future in his hands, and that she could do nothing to affect it.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Unrequited (9?)  
Rating: K? or PG-13  
Content: Angst, fluff, mentions of sex  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein and make no implications about real persons mentioned. Also no profit is made.  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?  
A/N: Bit of a short one this, but it's building up to something big. Trust me here!

Randy sat quietly while the other wrestlers raucously exchanged gossip. It wasn't that he wasn't interested; he was, but his mind was on Lita's change of mood when he'd mentioned going for a few drinks with the guys from Raw. Edge was there, which might have been a reason, and his presence didn't help Randy's mood any. Although he and Lita had been together, it had been somewhat acrimonious at the end. Edge had reveled in his reputation, and had encouraged the bookers to pair him up with Lita on screen. He hadn't been particularly receptive when she'd shown disquiet, and hadn't been at all supportive since. Randy blamed Edge for not protecting Lita from the worst of the media and fan abuse, no matter how much Lita protested and blamed herself.

"Randy, you heard about Christy, yeah?" The young man was disturbed from his thoughts by Batista's voice.

He smiled weakly, "yeah, I heard. Could hardly believe it… but as she's gone, it must have been true. Thought the girl had a few more brain cells than that."

"Yeah, well it's only the chosen few that get to sleep with the entire roster," Edge grinned and nudged the wrestler next to him.

Randy stood up. He knew exactly what Edge was referring to and it was a choice of getting away right now or smacking the Canadian in the face, "anyone want another drink?"

A few agreed and Batista offered to accompany him to the bar to help carry the drinks. He could see that his friend was uptight and wanted to smooth over whatever was wrong.

Randy wasn't forthcoming though. As good a friend as Dave was, Randy doubted that he'd understand where he was coming from with this unrequited love thing. He managed to convince the big man that he was just annoyed with the result of his match, and that seemed to satisfy him.

Randy was still uncomfortable though, and the lewd direction of the conversation didn't help. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and anticipated savouring a few minutes silence. He wished he'd never agreed to come out in the first place.

His desire for solitude was thwarted by the presence of a couple of wrestlers. Ignoring them, Randy also tried to ignore their conversation, but the mention of one word had his attention, intended or not.

"So, I saw you leaving Lita's room the other night Masters. What gives, you the latest notch on her bedpost?" Snitsky's tone was flippant, but it took all Randy had not to run over and punch the acne-ridden wrestler.

"You just wish you were in my position," Masters responded guardedly.

"Yeah, 'cos half the roster ain't," Snitsky laughed, "seriously man, you're fairly new round here, don't get involved. Both Hardys got canned, Edge is on the road to nowhere, the bitch is cursed, I'm telling you."

"If I want your dating advice, I'll ask for it goat-boy." Masters responded, his eyes firmly fixed on Randy, "besides, I'm not going back there. Once was more than enough."

That last sentence pushed Randy over the edge, and as Snitsky left the room Randy leapt over to Masters and had him pinned up against the wall by his throat.

"What did you mean by that?"

"What?" Masters was more than a little scared. He'd guessed his words might provoke Randy, but he hadn't expected the man to look like he was prepared to tear him limb from limb.

"What does 'once was more than enough' mean?

"Exactly that, man," Masters struggled to remove Randy's arm from his throat, but couldn't, "I did sleep with her, but it turned out it wasn't me she wanted."

"What?"

Masters shook his head, or as near to it as he could manage in his prone position, "it's an ego blow man, to be having sex with someone and for them to say someone else's name. No matter how drunk the girl is."

The first part of what Chris said didn't register with Randy, but the second part did, "you took advantage of her when she was drunk? What kind of a man does that?" He pushed against his throat a little harder.

"She invited me in. Yeah she was drunk, but she wanted it, she said she did. Trouble was…" Masters looked away from Randy, and any trace of a smile or smirk faded away, "trouble was, she said your name. We were having sex and she said 'I love you Randy'. Just like that. So, I'm sure you'll forgive me if I say I don't want to go there again." Randy's arms seemed to have lost their power, so the younger man pushed him away and went to walk out of the room. Before he did so, he turned to Randy and offered him a few words of advice.

"The girl loves you man, if I were you, I'd go and find out what's going on in her head, cos she's so messed up right now, she's not just destroying her own life, she's destroying everyone's she comes in contact with too."

Randy almost fell back against the wall in shock. Lita had slept with Masters, but she loved him. He didn't know whether to feel destroyed or elated. One thing became clear: why Lita had been so upset when he'd mentioned what he was doing tonight. In one way he was angry with her, in another he loved her more. He felt like he knew her better now, that he knew all of her faults, but would forgive them all if she'd only say to him face to face that she loved him.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Unrequited (10/10)  
Rating: K+ or PG-13  
Content: Angst, fluff, mentions of sex  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein and make no implications about real persons mentioned. Also no profit is made.  
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?  
A/N: The final chapter! Excuse the exclamation mark abuse, but I'm kind of happy to finish this, it's been draining, but hopefully worth it. I have a few ideas for a sequel though, so that may happen some time in the future. Let me know what you think, good and bad.

Randy was on a plane within three hours, and at Lita's home by daylight. He didn't care if he woke every person in the neighbourhood as he rapped on the door; he just needed to see her.

Finally she answered. She looked exhausted, pale skin almost luminescent against her vivid red hair. She was wearing one of Randy's 'Legend Killer' T-shirts, and when he saw that he fell in love with her a little more. He must have left it there one time he stayed over.

"Randy? What are you doing here?" Her voice was tinged with fear, as well as a little hope.

Suddenly he was lost for words. She'd slept with another man, and that was the vindication and proof he needed that she loved him? Never was a situation so bizarre.

"You slept with Masters." She looked as if her heart was about to break as he let her digest those words, so he continued, "you said my name. You said you loved me."

She stared up at him, utterly broken and bereft. It was as much as she could do to nod. Everything that had happened with Matt and Edge, that hadn't broken her. She'd been strong, ever since she was a little girl she'd been strong. But this, hearing hurt in Randy's voice, having him here on her doorstep saying those words, it brought everything crashing down. The walls and barriers and masks, they all crumbled. As did she, falling against the wall and slumping to the ground, sobbing bitterly tears that should have been shed before, that should have been shed months ago.

"Oh Li," Randy sighed and dropped his bags inside the door, stepping into the house. He knelt down beside her and pulled her close, leaning over to slam the door shut. As she sobbed into his shoulder he hated himself for causing this, but knew it was necessary. This had to end. Gently, he wrapped his arms around her and picked her up, carrying her into the lounge and placing her almost reverently on the couch. He knelt on the floor and stared at her, unsure of what to do. She was still sobbing, even now, and flinched away every time he tried to touch her.

Tenderly, he brushed her hair away from her face, and caressed her cheek, not moving even when she flinched at the contact. "Li, talk to me honey. Please, tell me why you're doing this to yourself."

"I… don't… deserve… any… anything… better," she choked, still refusing to look at Randy. Shame was too much for her to bear, hurting him hurt her much more than she'd ever thought it would.

"How long are you going to punish yourself for Li?" She shook her head, not willing to respond, so he continued, "how long are you going to punish me for?"

That forced her to look at him, shocked and a little scared. She was sure now that she'd pushed him too far, pushed him away and now it was too late.

"I'm not Matt, and I'm not Edge. Stop punishing me, stop punishing yourself, and let it go. You're destroying yourself and me and everyone who comes into contact with you because you refuse to let go of your guilt. Please, Li, please stop this." Randy didn't know when he'd worked out all of this, but it did make sense.

"I… I didn't mean to hurt you," her voice was small, timid, it almost sounded like it was coming from someone else, he'd never seen or heard her like that before. "I never meant to hurt anyone."

"I know that sweetheart," his voice softened. He regretted getting angry at her already, "I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone… but people are hurt. And the person I'm most worried about is you."

"I don't deserve it. I deserve to be unhappy," she attempted to look away from him, but a gentle hand under her chin forced her eyes to meet his.

"Stop it. Li, I love you. You told Masters you love me. Do you?" Randy licked his lower lip nervously. If only he could see and hear her say those words, then he'd know all of this was worth it, and would jump through hoops to make her happy.

She was silent. She did love him, she knew she did, and one part of her was screaming in her head to tell him that. The other half of her was scared. Scared that if she admitted it she'd also have to admit that she was broken and scared and lonely and vulnerable, and she'd have to stop trying to destroy herself and start living again.

"Say it Li, please,"

She was battling herself, battling him, battling Matt and Edge and everyone else in her life who had either hurt her or been hurt by her. She wouldn't let them win, she had to be strong again, and to be strong she had to be scared and vulnerable, she had to show weakness and vulnerability. She had to get herself back, so she had to do this.

"I love you."

Randy hardly realized it, but he'd been holding his breath the whole time. He'd seen a multitude of emotions cross Lita's face, and he knew how hard this was for her, how much she was relinquishing, yet how much she was hoping to gain from doing this.

"Let me help you Li," Randy closed his eyes. He wasn't emotional, he didn't ever cry, a tough guy dad and short stint in the armed forces had taught him that. This was as close as he got to it though. Seeing someone he loved suffering like this was hard to bear.

"Please, Randy, put me back together." She acknowledged all she was, all she had become. Now she was holding out her hand and seeking what he had been offering all along.

"I can't put you back together Li," he hated saying this to her, but it was important; he wasn't a miracle worker, he wasn't her saviour. "I can't put you back together babe, only you can do that. I'll be there for you though, right by your side while you do it."

"I can't Randy, I'm scared… I've always been strong… independent… I can't do it anymore. I can't be who I used to be… cos if I go back to being that person… I'll make the same mistakes… and I don't want to hurt anyone again," she shook her head and moved so that she was enveloped in Randy's arms. She felt safe there. She felt like she belonged.

"Angel, you're still strong…" Randy didn't know what to say to her, he wasn't a counsellor; he wasn't usually that good with words. If she'd asked him to describe how he felt he wouldn't have the words to tell her, only love. It was all he had and everything he'd give. "Babe, no one's asking you to be something you don't want to be…"

"I know… I've just spent so long trying to destroy myself, I'm not sure where, or who I am anymore," she rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. It was a long time since she'd felt this peaceful. She knew it wouldn't be easy to change the way she had been, but it wasn't impossible. And Randy believed she was strong: that meant a lot to hear him say that. Now she'd opened her eyes to him, she realised what they could give each other, what they could learn, how they could grow. That realisation hit home hard, and made her more determined to get through this.

"No more hurt Li, no more pain. Let everything else go, yeah?" He held her more tightly, needing to feel her to know that this wasn't a dream. "I'm there for you, OK? Always."

"You always have been," she looked up at him and smiled. "It just took me a while to realise."

He nodded, not knowing what else to say. To see that smile, that brief, but real, touch of happiness in her eyes, it was worth it.

THE END!


End file.
